In person, I would have to say that I’m not really good with words. I find it hard to gather the thoughts that are floating in my head to make a cohesively structured explanation for what I am feeling. So, whenever I am being asked about something that I’m not comfortable discussing, I keep silent. And if forced to speak, I end up being frustrated and words come out wrong.

My future is not something that I am eager to discuss personally. It is a topic that I feel I should avoid for I have nothing to offer that might amuse a highly driven, goal-oriented person.

I have just been informed of my relatives’ asking of my whatabouts. Naturally, a young woman of early twenties, ripe in age, stellar in health would be expected to be chasing after the wind of success with her sail standing high above the hull, swiftly being hurried to the destination. My cousins seem to be doing well in their journeys.

“And what about you?”

And what about me? Well, I had a boat, you see. No, I had a ship. I had a ship as huge as the S.S. Titanic - it was the “unsinkable ship of dreams”. I had my eyes set on America; I had much fervor in my beginnings and I was determined to set foot on good soil.

But fast forward a few years, I was asked to do the most incredibly astonishing move I have ever done, amidst the incredulous look of my passengers, I was asked to walk on water. Walk on water! Ridiculous, shan’t you say? So, I left the ship and followed Him who commanded me to stride the surfaces of the deep.

However, amidst my walk, my distracted eyes wander from the storms, to the land, to the impossibility of that which I had considered everything a loss for. And my ship, my ship that I had left stranded! I was torn into different directions, found myself clinging for what I believed to be much more reasonable and sane. I felt the rush of the cold water from my ankles to my knees, then my waist, and finally my neck. I swam for my dear life and rushed towards my ship - my comfort, my security. I dread the “peril” that His command had brought upon me. I held between my hands, once again, the wheel of my life, my ship, and recommenced my journey to my New York City.

But akin to its allusion, it was bound to sink. A ship cannot be hit by an iceberg and expect to sail peacefully with such a scathe. I need not detail the tragic end of my voyage, but I must say that presently, this is my state - I am in the water with no ship nor raft to hold me. Praise my Savior for He is ever faithful and forgiving; and I was given another chance to, yes, walk on the water with Him.

This is where I am right now, I am on the water. I cast my eyes upon no sight of land as of late. All the assurance that I am to keep is that I am secured in the presence of my Lord and that I am never out of His sight.

Oh, what am I to say to you, boats of desire? You might never understand why I am walking on water. But this is where I am safest. But how am I to explain? I hold not my life nor my place of going.

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